Sanctuary
by CupCakeyyy
Summary: Sirius has to choose between what his family wants him to do and what he wants to do.


Hey guys! Here I am again with my entry for the 9th round of QLFC and my attempt at "Sirius holds something back".

_Prompts: _

_2. (word) Bustling_

_3. (word) Possible_

_8. (setting) Godric's Hollow_

Enjoy reading! :D

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**Sanctuary**

"Y'all have to come by during the holidays! Mum always says that I'm even more of a prankster when you're not around, even though I kind of doubt it," James scratched his chin and laughed.

"I somehow don't," Remus said, without taking his eyes off his book. "In school you have me to tell you when to stop. During holidays, you don't."

James blinked. "Yeah, maybe that's what she meant... Anyway, you'll come, won't you?"

"Sure thing, Prongs," Peter beamed as he eyed a Chocolate Frog card. "I'll just have to ask Mum, but I think that's not going to be a problem."

"I'll come too, once my monthly time is over," Remus turned the page.

"Brilliant! What about you, Padfoot?" James turned towards the last member of the Marauders. "Padfoot?"

Sirius sat at the window and stared into the rain with a frown on his usually happy face, seemingly without noticing that he was talked to.

James glanced towards Remus, who closed his book slowly and raised a brow. Peter kept eating Chocolate Frogs.

"Sirius?"

The black-haired wizard blinked and turned his slightly unfocused eyes in his friends' direction. "What? Yeah. Yeah, I'll be there."

"You alright, mate?" James leaned forward and looked his in-everything-but-blood brother in the eye. The stormy grey was slightly darker than normal. He frowned.

"'Course I am. Oh hey, we're here!" Sirius jumped from his seat, grabbed his trunk and dragged it out of their compartment.

Puzzled, James turned around and met Remus' alert eyes. "I'll talk to him," he mumbled, grabbed his trunk and followed Sirius off the train. The last thing he heard before the compartment door slid shut was a confused "Talk to whom?" from Peter and an agitated sigh from his werewolf friend.

"Padfoot! Wait up!" He pushed his way through the bustling mass of students, looking for their families and hugging their friends goodbye, cursing every few seconds when his trunk got hung up on another one and was nearly ripped out of his grip.

He found Sirius standing near the gate leading to King's Cross Station, looking lost. He fought his way through his classmates, pushing some of them out of his way with his elbows, ignoring the annoyed shouts thrown in his direction.

"There you are!" He panted slightly as he came to a stop in front of Sirius, who looked a weird mix of relieved, afraid and stubborn. "I was looking for you, mate. Why were you in such a hurry to get off the train?"

"Ahh, it's nothing," Sirius smiled. "I was waiting for you, buddy. Wanted to say goodbye since we won't see each other for a while now," he winked and laughed as James hit his shoulder. "I love you too, Prongsie boy!"

"Shut up, Padfoot," James grinned and pulled him into a brotherly hug. "You'll come as well, won't you?"

Sirius let go and nodded. "Sure, I'll come! I'll come even if my parents won't allow it. Hell, I'll come _because_ my parents won't allow it!" He barked his laugh and winked at James. "Nothing's gonna keep me away, beware!"

James frowned as he studied a laughing Sirius.

People like the brown-haired witch eyeing them with a flirtatious smile, the old witch standing just a few meters away from them shaking her head, the little boy screaming for his Mummy to take him away from "that mad, scary boy"… they all had something in common. They may look at Sirius and think he was enjoying life, laughing with – or at – his friend, waiting for his parents to pick him up for a few months away from school, but they didn't know him. They didn't know that his eyes usually were of a brighter grey, that not all the lines around his eyes were due to his laugh, that the spark that was always there when he laughed was missing.

They didn't know him as good as James did. All these little things were easy to miss and even easier to not know by heart. Sirius wasn't happy, although he certainly did his best to keep the farce alive.

"Hey, are you sure you're alright, mate?" James' frown deepened as Sirius grinned his false grin and answered as cheerfully as always.

"Of course, I'm alright. It's summer, Prongs! Why wouldn't I be?"

James gazed around to make sure no one was eavesdropping and turned his attention back to the smiling boy in front of him.

"Sirius," he said, his expression solemn, "you'd tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you? I know you well enough to know that you _never_ looked forward to the summer holidays and you always stayed at my house during the others. You don't have to act as if you suddenly look forward to seeing your family again. I know you don't, so please don't lie to me."

Sirius blinked and tried to keep his smile which slowly but surely transformed into a grimace.

"I'm –"

"Don't tell me you're alright, because you obviously are not." James eyed him sternly, causing him to lower his gaze.

"You've been strange since Christmas, Padfoot. And don't you dare deny it!" He said quickly as Sirius opened his mouth to answer back. "I know something happened around that time and I know you would tell me if it was something important – at least I thought you would."

He pushed a strand of jet-black hair out of his eyes and forced the corners of his mouth to shoot upwards into a smile. "I know that some things require some time alone to think about them properly, but I hope that once you had enough of that time, you'll come to me." He put a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"You know I'm here for you, mate. You're not alone."

Sirius looked up in James' face to search for some kind of emotion that would betray his words – without finding them. He wanted to tell him, but at the same time he didn't. He wanted someone to turn to, someone to ask for their opinion, to support him in his decision, but on the other hand, he didn't want someone to pity him, someone to turn his back towards him and telling him he should do what his family wanted him to do.

Sirius shook his head to get these stupid thoughts out of his mind. Of course, James wouldn't say something like that to him. He would support him and he knew it. But why was he that… afraid to tell him?

_It was Christmas Eve and he was sitting in front of a huge Christmas tree that reached up all the way to the high ceiling. Red and golden ball ornaments hung from its branches, connected by other golden and silver decorations and highlighted by candles that were littered all over the huge, deep green tree._

_The presents lying at its base were wrapped in brightly coloured paper – deep blue, light green, sparkling cream with stars on it. The ribbons were of shiny material that shimmered with every movement he made._

_The air smelled of cinnamon, spice and eggnog. The sky was dark and the stars were the only sources of light, as the moon was covered by clouds._

_Sirius beamed at Mrs Potter, as she stepped into the living room with a smile and two cups of hot chocolate in her hands. "No opening of the presents before dawn," she said with a wink and gave them the hot and extremely delicious smelling cups._

_An owl announced its arrival by frantically picking the window. It was freezing outside and had just stopped snowing._

_James stood up, put his cup on the floor next to the pillow on which he had been seated and let the owl into the warmth of Potter Manor. It immediately flew over to Sirius, letting a plain envelope fall into his lap and perched itself on the mantel piece of the fireplace to warm its feathers before it flew back out of the window._

"_Who's it from?" James asked, as he took a cautious sip with the hot liquid and immediately cursed at it burned his tongue._

"_Language, James!" Mrs Potter called from the kitchen and James winced. _

"_Sorry, Mum."_

_Sirius stared at the handwriting on the envelope he was clutching in his hands and had to force his finger to detach from it, so he could break the wax seal and read its content. It was a letter from his mother._

'_Sirius Orion,_

_As your father and I have already told you during your last stay here, we have come to the conclusion that it is time for you to make an important decision._

_You have been nothing but a disappointment to us in the past and we have more than often wondered what the reason for your behaviour is, but concluded that it was not our way of raising you and your brother._

_Seeing that the Dark Lord has offered the Black Family such an opportunity and was merciful enough to not chide us for your outrageous behaviour, we are under no desire to not follow his lead._

_We wish for you to face this challenge as a true Black and proud pureblood. Leave your false views, as well as your connections to Dumbledore's pawns behind. You have another fate, a future so glamorous and noble that you have no other choice but to act according to your blood._

_Be that as it may, seeing that you have so far not shown any kind of will to fulfil your role as future Head of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, we give you an ultimatum._

_Come this summer, you will choose on which side you stand and we sincerely hope that you will choose wisely._

_Merry Christmas._

_Sincerely,_

_Mother and Father'_

"It's nothing, really," Sirius saw the Potters in the background, looking for their son and tried his best to smile.

"I'll see you in a while," he said, turned around and made his way to the gate to Muggle London.

*~*SB*~*

The hallway was dark and dismal, not the inviting sight one might want to be greeted with when coming home from a year's absence. Sirius scowled as he dragged his trunk over the old, carpeted floor towards the stairs. He jumped as his brother's quiet voice reached his ears.

"What, no hello from dear old Sirius?"

Sirius scowl deepened as he turned around slowly and saw his younger brother standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

"What took you so long? I arrived about half an hour ago."

"I had some friends I wanted to say goodbye to. But I don't expect you to know what a friend is." He gripped his trunk's handle and hoisted it up the stairs as another, even more unwelcome voice reached his ears. Sirius groaned.

"Come into the drawing room, Sirius. Your mother and I want to talk to you."

Regulus smirked as Sirius shuffled by him. "I seriously hope that you do the right thing, brother. I seriously hope so."

*~*SB*~*

"You know what we have told you to think about," his father sat down in an old chair in front of the fireplace and watched him with a calculated gaze. "And we hope that you have come to the right decision."

"So, there's a wrong one? I could make a wrong decision?" Sirius smirked and crossed his arms over his chest, ignoring his father's hand gesture to take a seat.

"It is a possible outcome, yes, but we don't hope you will," his father's eyes narrowed as he eyed his son standing stubbornly in front of him.

"Sit down, Sirius," his mother pushed him towards the free chair standing before his parents', but he refused to pay any attention to her.

"What do you want from me?" Sirius glared at his parents as he did his best to not start walking to and fro in front of them and thus showing his nervousness. He was taught to control his emotions and this situation was no different than the others he had been through so far.

"We want a decision," his mother said, standing up and positioning herself in front of her son, glaring down at him. "We have accepted your blood traitor behaviour for far too long," Sirius snorted and stumbled a few steps back as his mother slapped him with so much force, he dumbly wondered whether she had worked out.

"Don't you dare laugh at your mother," his father yelled, standing up as well and dragged his son back in front of the fire. "You are my son and as my son you will respect your elders and do as they wish, do you understand me?"

Sirius touched his red cheek and glared at his father, having no intention to answer and give him the pleasure of being able to control him.

"I will _never _share your views of the world and neither you, nor Reg, nor the _Dark Lord himself_ can change that," he hissed, eyeing his parents' expressions for any changes that may possibly end fatal for him.

His mother sniffed and raised her chin. "Is that your last word, Sirius Orion?"

His father took a slow step towards Sirius who immediately backed off.

"Yes."

"Then I advise you to pack your things and get the hell out of the Black family's house, blood traitor," his father's voice was deadly calm as his eyes showed no sign of understanding or _love_. "You have had your time as a Black, but that is history."

He didn't have to tell him twice. Sirius marched around his parents, pushed the door open with so much force that he had to jump into the hallway for it to not push him back into that hellhole his parents called drawing room and bumped right into Regulus, whose face was pale and eyes wide.

"You are no brother of mine," he whispered, as a lone tear slid over his cheek. "Not anymore."

*~*SB*~*

The sun was setting, causing the village of Godric's Hollow to glow in an eerie orange light as he walked down the street from the town centre to James' summer house. The birds' chirping was agitating him beyond believe and the constant pull of his trunk when a stone caught an edge of it nearly gave him the rest.

His cheek was still burning, probably just like his name on the ancestor's tapestry that displayed the Black's family tree to everyone who wanted to see or didn't give a damn.

He scratched his neck as he arrived at the small cottage his best friend's family used to live in during the summer. The Manor was too big for only three people. They would move back once the Marauders came over for a couple of weeks, only to move back here when they left again.

Sirius swallowed parts of his fear, took a huge gulp of fresh summer air and shuffled up the path leading to the white front door.

The door opened even before he managed to drag his heavy trunk up the three wooden stairs.

"Padfoot?"

Sirius looked up only to see an already pyjama-clad James Potter standing in the doorway, a black, square something in his hand, staring at him with an open mouth. "What are you doing here, mate? And is that your school trunk?"

"Hey, Prongsie," Sirius smiled shyly and shuffled his feet. "I know I wasn't supposed to come until later in the month, but I kind of got kicked out or ran away or some kind of mix of those two and I thought that I could… you know…" Sirius gulped and directed his gaze towards James who ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"You know what? Stupid idea. It's okay. I'll find somewhere else to stay. My uncle will probably be okay with it, seeing that he lives on his own and so on, so I guess I could go there. And I think the Knight Bus should reach the border of his property, which means that –"

"What the hell are you talking about?" James reached forward and dragged Sirius into the hallway. "Of course you can stay here!"

Sirius smiled and quickly ran his hand over his eyes, as to not let any possible tears fall down his cheeks.

James frowned slightly, closed the door behind him and put his hands on both of his shoulders, looking him in the eye. "What happened?"

Sirius gulped and blinked away more tears as he studied his shoes in the light of the hallway lamp. "You were right," he whispered as James squeezed his shoulders to get him to answer.

"I was right with what?" James said softly, pushing his chin gently upward, so he could look him in the eye. "What are you talking about, mate?"

"Do you remember the letter I got last Christmas Eve?"

James frowned, but nodded.

"Well, you see, it was a letter from my parents," Sirius sniffled. "They told me I should make a decision, being the disappointment that I am, and finally make the right choice and stop being a filthy blood traitor and fulfil my _role as the future Head of the Black family_," Sirius scoffed and glared at the wall behind James.

"The short version of that whole fiasco is that I refused and they threw me out. Probably disowned me by now, too. I seriously don't care right now."

James blinked. "I'm sorry to hear that, mate."

"Nah, it's okay," Sirius smiled a teary smile and sniffled. "I saw it coming a long time ago, actually. It was just a matter of their brain function's speed, really."

James smiled and pulled him into a fierce hug. "You'll stay here, you hear me? Mum and Dad won't mind, I promise. They love you. Mum probably loves you even more than she loves me which is kind of sad if you think about it, seeing that I am her biological son and all…"

Sirius laughed and hugged him back. "Thank you, James."

"Hey, that's what brothers are for."

A tear ran down Sirius cheek as his _brother _let go. He did have a family. Maybe not the one he was born into, but one that loved him the way he was and didn't have any desire to change him into someone he was not. He could live with that, he thought smiling, letting the warmth James' words caused flow through his veins and straight into his heart. He was home.

"What's that?" Sirius pointed at the black thing in James' hand who promptly turned beet red and started to stutter.

"Well, you see, I heard Evans and another Muggleborn talk about something called Veady-Oh, so I convinced Dad to ask some of his Muggleborn friends to organize some of those things and I was just about to see what it could do, when I felt the wards announce your arrival."

Sirius laughed and punched James in his shoulder. "Let's go then, love bird."

"Shut up," a red James mumbled, as he grabbed Sirius trunk and the two of them made their way into the living room, where the Taily-Vishy was waiting for them.

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I hope you liked it! Please leave a comment :)

**Word count:** 3211


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